"Farmer Ben"

Come on all you people and gather round
I'm gonna tell you a little story about a crazy sound
That started a long time ago back in New York state
With a Bethpage farmer that followed his fate

A long long time ago way back when
There lived a young man named Farmer Ben
Now Ben hit the height about six-foot-two
And he decided farming wasn't what he wanted to do

See Ben had a dream, don't you understand
Wanted to be a singer in a rock and roll band
But the townsfolk didn't like the idea that he had
You know they thought it would be very bad
To have a rock and roll musician living in their town
They decided they didn't want Ben around
Anymore!
He hopped upon a Greyhound bus
That's where he met Three-Fingered Gus

THREE-FINGERED GUS!
Was in an accident when he was nine
He got seven fingers chopped off in a combine
He was out in the fields with his dear old Dad
Gus had the same dream that Ben had

Well, the two got to talking, you know what they found?
What?
Gus could play guitar with a way out sound
It was a sound like you never ever heard before
And he only had to use three fingers - no more!

Well the very next town that the bus pulled in
Was a place called Erabakavetersan
It was a funky little town about the size of St. Paul
They noticed all the people were really small

Well they hoped off the bus and walked down the street
When they were slapped in the face with a funky back beat
It was a bass and drums just laying it down
Ben and Gus decided they would follow that sound

Well they walked up the street and they came to a door
When they saw what was behind it they hit the floor
Heard somebody scream: Bless my digits!
The sound was coming from TWO TWIN MIDGETS!

Well they introduced themselves as Ping and Pong
And they asked Ben and Gus if they would jam along
Gus grabbed his ax, Ben picked up a mic
And here's a little taste of what it sounded like

Well the very next next minute the place was packed
With tiny little people form front to back
They were jumping up and down, waving side to side
Ben even caught a couple doing the slide

With a smile cracked on his face from ear to ear
He asked the people what they wanted to hear
"MORE!" they screamed, then they hit the floor
Said, OK people, now it's time to get RAW!!

Here the band inserts segments from three random cover songs (or sometimes random screaming). A partial list of songs played are...
    "My Sharona" (The Knack)
    "Another Brick In The Wall (Part II)" (Pink Floyd)
    "Foxy Lady" (Jimi Hendrix)
    "Laverne And Shirley Theme"
    "Pirates Of Penzance" (Gilbert and Sullivan)

Well that brings you to an end of my true tale
Last Ben was seen he was hiking the trail
From Georgia to Maine and points in between
Singing that song and smoking that green

If you're ever in the mood for a funky sound
Pull up a chair, a bong, pack it up and sit down,
Grab a bud, drop the needle, and hit the fuzz,
Listen to the sounds of the way it was........

Jim Loughlin (Drummer #2 From North Massapequa, Long Island):

Ben, who is actually a real person, worked as, you guessed it, a farmer at the Old Bethpage Restoration on Long Island. For free, no less. Ben is also from North Massapequa but lived in an adobe hut in Colorado near the New Mexico border. He was supposedly involved in the environmentally charged arson at Vail, Colorado in 1998 that gained national attention. Charges were dropped, and Ben is a free man.

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